"Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat, Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did"

At least I now know that when drunk (I'm mostly) adorable.

God yesterday was insanely messy. I think I was probably drunk by 2pm. By 10.30pm (when I apparently got home) - I was toasted.

I "apparently" saw four of my good friends when I got home. I vaguely remember seeing them. Well no, to be clear, I do remember seeing them, but I don't remember anything that I said to them.

Apparently I kept hugging them and telling them I love them. Which I do. I'm not sure they needed to know it 100 times though :)

I also had to get told today that while talking to two boys (both that I've shagged before) I said "I've shagged you both and don't want to have either of your children". I mean - what the fuck does that even mean? I think I was quite pda'y as well.....which I'm only ever like - when toasted.

I'm all class sometimes.

Its been a long hungover day, and I've just got back from seeing the Hangover. Quite apt I think.

xx K

"and fuck you...fuck you....I love you...and all we've been through..."

Its July 4 today, which means the drinking starts early.

Anyway - I get added by some guy today on twitter, which of course I have no problem with. He says he's from "washington DC". OK - cool. I look him up to see if I want to add him too and find he's from bum fuck Virginia. Look - each to their own, if you want to live in bum fuck Virginia - thats cool. Totally your choice. It could be for a million reasons. But bum fuck Viriginia - is not Washington DC. Its Virginia.

Ask yourself - where do you get to vote?

Really - well maybe thats where you bloody well live.

I'll admit that I am a total DC snob. But still...this is one of my total freaking pet hates.

People do it on craigslist all the time - advertise housing in Virginia or Maryland - in the DC section. Frankly, if I was wanting to live in either Virginia or Maryland - clearly I would be looking in those sections.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Right, need to get ready. As I said - the drinking starts early today!

xx K

"American girls are weather and noise...playing the changes for all of the boys..."

So yesterday - I wanted to shag. No question. I mean lets face it - I've had sex on the brain since I got the all-clear a few weeks ago.

And yesterday - I get two emails from boys I've shagged before asking what I was up to. The intention was clear. And yet - I said no, to both. Or didn't encourage either is perhaps more accurate.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Sex with someone that I have shagged before and that I know will be good? Me, girl with a too high sex drive? And - I don't do it.

I want the "casual sex" me back. Overthinking all this - is bullshit.

I deliberatly decided to do nothing today. I've been stressed out all week. So this morning I sleep in until 9am. Work a little then read my book in bed. Walk and get coffee. And just generally relax. And now I'm bored :( Must be gym time.

xx K

xx K

"Just close the door inside my heart.....cause I have hollow eyes......"

Oh - and did I mention that:

1) My older neighbour crush moved out. OK to be fair, he wasn't old. I think he was like 42. But for me - thats kinda old. We are now facebook friends. We chat. I miss him actually. We used to gossip over the fence about random shit. He would put up with me when I came home drunk and he would be outside smoking. We used to flirt. Yeah - I miss him. But I didn't want anything with him.

2) There are two new neighbours on the other side. I haven't met them yet, but apparently they are 21 year old boys. I did put in a request for boys, but was hoping for them to be at least 28. 21 is far too bloody young.

xxx K

"And what I am to you....is not real...and what I am to you....you do not need..."

Oh Damien Rice. How I heart you.

My friends mock me incessantly about my "depressing" music taste. But its absolutely not how it makes me feel. Damien Rice - i want to listen to with someone I love. To shag to. To drive to. Listening to it just makes me happy and its hard to explain that.

I stupidly went to the gym for about an hour and a half tonight. I did mention that I was getting completely addicted. And lets be real, I have been known to have somewhat of an addictive personality.

Its only just past 10pm, and I'm ready to crawl into bed. Well shower, and then crawl into bed.

My body hurts. Its sore from lifting weights. My ankle and knee hurts from running. I think I've injured my wrist a little from god knows what. I'm 32 and its awful. I am probably fit enough at the moment to actually enjoy running 10kms. But there is no freaking way that my body will hold up for that. The one month of physio on my ankle did jack diddly shit. I now have knee problems (probably because of my ankle problems).

Seriously so not bloody cool.

I wouldn't want to be 21 again for anything. Well - maybe other than my 21 year old body. That could run forever and not hurt the next day.

Maybe I'll look back on this post when I'm 60 and realise how good I have it now. But right now - I just want to be able to run for 40 mins without killing myself in the process. I hate the thought that i just may not be able to run anymore :( Thats bullshit.

xxx K

"Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat, Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did"

I've been a crazy girl today. Totally stressed at work. And it was just one of those days - where I felt like everything that could go wrong - did go wrong.

Went to the gym - got my ass kicked by my trainer.

Now - feeling a hell of a lot better.

Its been a little insane lately. I was in Long Beach for the weekend for a girls weekend. As much as I love boys (which lets face it, is a lot) - there is just something about getting away with a group of girls, that is just awesome. Too much wine was drunk - and surrounded by my amazing liberal friends - I get on my "if I earn three times as much as you, how much more tax than you should I pay" vibe. Seriously - when drunk, I should shut the fuck up sometimes.

Came back to DC, and sat (and passed) my first of three exams that I need to take for work.

And then tired, and a little stressed out, had a stupidly freaking busy, annoying day at work.

I want to get drunk and be stupid. Its a total theme in my life lately.

xx K

My political views are as fucked up as my taste in men....LOL

My Political Views
I am a centrist social moderate
Left: 0.05, Libertarian: 0.66

Political Spectrum Quiz


I'm actually not really surprised by this at all. I'm so clearly not a bleeding heart liberal. I'm not a crazy freaking conservative republican. I didn't (don't) love Obama. Didn't like McCain either. I hate guns. Don't believe in the death penalty. Am absolutely not religious in the slightest. Extremely pro-choice. Extremely pro-gay rights. Believe in lower taxes. Think some people should earn more money than others. Believe - some people probably shouldn't be allowed to vote or have children.

I don't really see where I fit at all....and just like my choice in men = I'm a lot all over the place.

xx K

"When you hold me like you do...it feels so right...."

I seriously can't stop thinking about BB at the moment. Its not good.

The relationship we have now, the person he is, and how he is to me - is the guy I wanted him to be when I was 23. And 24. And 25. And probably 26 through 29. And then at 30 - I was just so freaking done with us. And I realised there would never be an "us". And I just didn't think about it.

And now - he's freaking married. I'm single. And he seems to be that guy.

Its so complicated. And upsetting. And confusing. And hard.

But yet - it should really just be so freaking easy. As - he's married. And so - what do I really think he is going to do? Turn up on my doorstep, get naked, crawl into bed with me - and just not leave? Because thats the stupid dream I had last night.

Seriously.

I'm so fucked up sometimes.

Off the topic - - I told myself recently - no more casual sex. No more shagging for the sake of shagging. Shagging only allowed with boy I actually really really like.

Whatever.

I'm so not that freaking girl.

Shagging is all about pleasure. Sleeping with someone is an amazing thing. Yeah, it can be better if you are in love. But I also think it can be so intense even without it. Iwant dirty, hot sex. The hair pulling, spanking, pain kind of hot, dirty sex.

And I kind of want it right now.

And I don't need to be in freaking love to do it.

xxx K

"I wanna get me a little ...oblivion....keep myself away from me..."

I am reminded why drinking heavily all weekend is a bad bloody idea. The hangovers suck.

I am reminded why drinking heavily all weekend is a bloody fantastic idea. Because I have a bloody good time.

My little neighbourhood. My friends that live all around me. Just rock.

But dear fucking god - I need to have sex. I realised that I've been craving it lately. Its like the old me is back x 200. Its a little scary. But really nice after the issues over the last 10 months.

I'm listening to David Gray and Damien Rice singing together...two of my favourite singers. Its kind of awesome.

xx K

"Fading everything to black and blue..you look a lot like you - shatter in the blink of an eye..you keep sailing right on through...."

So apparently there was some romantic comedy being filmed in my lovely little Adams Morgan neighbourhood. Of course - I'm totally oblivious to such things, and would probably walk past someone famous (Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, and Reese Witherspoon apparently!) - without even batting an eyelid.

Well of course - that is unless its a NZ cricket player...because - how could I not notice that? Cricket players are hot. Period. Or should that be fullstop. Sheesh - I'm turning more American by the day :)

Anyway - I'm freaking exhausted. I don't know. Gym too much this week and definitely not enough sleep. Work kicking my ass. Its just another typical week. Work could seriously give me a semi-breakdown every day I think.

I can't wait for this weekend. I'm going to get inappropriately drunk and silly. I so feel like I deserve it.

xx K

Three things that just make me happy.....

"Life taught me to die....so its not hard to fall when you float like a cannon...."

So maybe nine years ago - I used to get emails from this boy, and every time I received one - I would get excited. Every time. For a long long time.

And ever since - its how I judge every boy I have any involvement with.

Do they make me that excited?

Not how good is the sex. Not how cute they are. Or how smart they are. Or how much they love me.

But how excited do I feel - seeing that email in my inbox.

xxx K

"Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat, Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did"

You know - if you play with fire, you really do need to expect to get burnt. Right?

I should know better. Really I just should.

xx K

"Wear a dress so I can get it off real easy...."

Its been an emotional few days....and probably most of it my fault. I'm not going to blog about it - because I need to stop freaking thinking about it.

So this evening I've spent a lot of time on my old laptop, mostly looking at old photos from my trips around Europe. Which feels like an absolute lifetime ago.

Even funnier - I found a "sex list" that I obviously wrote with a boy...about all of the things we wanted to do to each other...while on holiday together. Pretty bloody funny to find and read. I've been debating blogging the list, but the boy may just kill me.

On that note, my complete and total sex drive is back. I don't know if it was getting the all clear or what...but god I love it. It seriously makes me so much happier, to wake up in the morning and actually want a boy. Its like the old me. Well the non-smoking/going to the gym 5 times a week - me. Maybe this new me - will start blogging again more too :)

My whole body hurts today. I was upset last night, so ran 3 miles on the treadmill. Which is stupid - because my ankle is still so very very fucked, and running 3 miles goes against everything my physical therapist told me. But it felt good. Running is what I do when I'm pissed off or upset or happy. And i needed it last night.

I think I have a small gym addiction at the moment. I've been 5 times already this week, and I'm pretty sure I'll go tomorrow. I like it. Sadly, I feel absolutely no skinnier..but maybe more toned. Its good. I'm just happy i didn't give up smoking - and get fat, you know. Its hard to believe its almost been six months since I gave up. I still think about smoking every day. But no part of me really seriously thinks about smoking again. I much prefer this healthier me.

On that note...I need to shower, and crawl into bed.

xx K

"Is he bold enough to take you on? Do you feel like you belong? And does he drive you wild? Or just mildly free?"

Well the good news is - I got the all clear to shag away to my hearts content. Results came back clear. And I don't have to deal with thinking about it - until October.

The bad news - there is nobody that I can even vaguely think of right now - that I want to wake up next to.

Hmmm.

Well nobody that is here in DC anyway.

xx K

"Give my gun away....while its loaded....is that alright with you?"

I've had the craziest cravings today.

I've been thinking about lying in bed naked next to a boy....and not really any boy...but BB. And yeah - I know, i know, he's married. And even if he wasn't - we were a fucking train wreck. But today - I've been thinking about it. And it wasn't about the sex. It was about wanting him naked in my bed. To see. To touch.

Children. I don't know...its seeing photos of my nephew today...but its making me want so badly to see him. I will openly say that I have no burning desire to be pregnant or get pregnant. My body is absolutely not a baby making machine. Yes I'm pretty sure that I want children - but I have zero issues with adoption.

Anyway - Blair and kids...not a great combination at all right?

I'm totally addicted right now to the Twilight books....I mean lets face it - my vampire fetish has always been pretty bloody high. The fact that a teen novel (or pre-teen novel) is keeping me awake way past when I should be asleep...is only a little sad. But as I'm still on a two week at least no-sex countdown...I guess there could be worse things?

Night.

xx K

"you know that I could use somebody.....someone like you..."

I'm so all over the freaking place at the moment. I don't know whats going on, but I think my two year itch is back. You know - where I freak out and pack up my life after two years?

I don't bloody know what I'm doing. But in the midst of studying for three tax exams over here plus signing up for grad school starting in the Fall (autumn!!!) - I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing, when I could have a much much easier life back in NZ.

I'm also sick of working all the time. I'm sick of billable hours and thinking about billable hours. I'm sick of never billing enough billable hours, even though I probably worked harder the last financial year than in my 10 year working life. There is so much more to life than working. And I'm lucky that I love my job, but its not everything to me. I value everything I do outside work. I don't need or want to earn much more than I do now. I can live very very happily on my salary. I can buy most things I want. I can save a decent amount. I can travel wherever I want. And I don't want to work twice as hard just to get promoted so that I can work more and earn more. I don't need it.

But what the hell does that mean?

xx K

"You...your sex is on fire..."

Things I had forgotten about London:

- How the men all dress so much better than Americans....leading me to think they are all gay. (Because lets face it - the only American men who dress well are gay!).

- How many bloody people there are in that city.

- How beautiful Londonton is, especially at night.

- How it was home for me, for two years.

Oh Londontown. It was fantastic. I drank too much, ate too much, and shopped a little too much. Hung out with my friends, that I just absolutely adore. And it was definitely a little hard to leave.

xx K

"Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat, Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did"

God I love fucked up song lyics. Music....makes me so happy. Suitable for all moods. And yet - somehow - it always comes back to Counting Crow or Damien Rice.

I think I can be one of the most loyal people in the world, but i also know I can be a total fucking bitch. And I think my bitch side has been out lately, which is not ideal at all. I think between work stress, stupid vagina issues (as I like to call it) and not loving my living situation lately - I've been stupidly stressed out.

Londontown tomorrow. I have such mixed feelings about going back to London, as I think a big part of me ran away from Londontown. For a whole host of reasons which I am absolutely not going into. But mostly - I'm just really freaking excited about seeing all of my friends. And there is absolutely going to be some cricket watching....which pretty much totally rocks.

I type too fast for my laptop keys to keep up....its a really big flaw of my lovely Sony laptop.

Anyway - I've been dreaming of sex non-stop for the last few day. Its like I know I can't have it - so I'm being punished or something by dreaming about it constantly. 26 days now I think. Im ready for the days to be over. And then it becomes my choice again about who the hell I sleep with. Or don't.

Blogging will resume next week. I'll probably be far too drunk to blog in Londontown.

xxxx K

"So hold me when i'm scared....love me when I'm gone..."

Well the second LEEP procedure was pretty much what I expected. Its strange I was totally knocked out for the first one, and totally awake this time. Believe me - I'm all about the drugs and having no idea.

I'm really happy its over. I'm really hoping thats it. I'm not sure how good I would be dealing with this again because I don't think I've dealt with this that well. Mentally - it sucks. I don't like feeling so non-sexual. It freaks me out = because its just not me. And I don't really know what its like to question even wanting to have sex.

Anyway - fuck it. 30 days of no shagging. A follow-up appointment probably two months later. And - I'm going to be good. The success rate is 90-95%. But of course - it was last time too. And why it didn't work the first time - I have no freaking idea. So i'm being healthy. And I'm not smoking. And I'm exercising a lot. And thats about all I can do.

So- I'm back on the no sex countdown. 28 days to go.

And then maybe - I will actually want to meet a boy that I like.

Oh and as of today -i'm living alone again. And God I am so loving it.

xx K

"Could you tell me why you're leaving...cause I don't know...I don't know...."

I think I have been more homesick in the last 12 months than in the prior 4.5 years.

I think it all started with my sister getting pregnant, then having my incredible nephew. And now I just feel like I am missing so much stuff in their life.

It doesn't help, that the lovely United States, is making everything difficult for me right now. Between what I'm going through with the green card process, my inability to get a mortgage, my NZ CA not counting for the US CPA, having to get re-vaccinnated. My work (which I usually love) is being stupidly freaking bitchy and competitive. I don't know - I'm just done right now.

Thank God for my friends here. Because without them - I'd feel like this every day rather than just having a bad day like this - every once in a while.

Totally off the topic. Still dreading Friday. But so freaking excited about Londontown next week. I get a little bit of kiwi, a little bit of Brit, a little bit of Canuck, and a little bit of cricket.

xxx K

"Fading everything to black and blue...shatter in the blink of an eye...you keep sailing right on through..."

Three glasses of wine...and i'm so a little bit boozed. I think I've turned into a cheap drunk.

Ooooh how I love a little bit of Monday night drinking avec Sparky, Ruby and Blondie.

Life is oh so good.

xxx k

"Need a hit, want to wait, suck it up....my love...reach me...stupid fool..you wanna get boned..."

God I love summer. There is just something about wearing less clothes and it being hot - that puts me in a good mood. I just got home from a bbq at a friends house. Hanging out with my friends - reminds me just how lucky I am here. June through September here is just hot as hell. It involves bbqs every weekend. Too much drinking. And just general debauchery.

Speaking of debauchery - I need the next 30 or so days over with because I have my "procedure" on Friday and I'm so sick of thinking about it or dealing with it. At least once its over - I'll probably have four months before I have to find out if everything is finally OK. But of course - no shagging for a month. Screw that. (well not literally).

Off to Londontown next week. Its hard to believe that I haven't been back since I left almost two years ago. God - Londontown feels like a lifetime ago.

I'm totally addicted to the gym right now - i'm loving it. Would love to say I'm skinnier (I'm not) but I kinda like my curves, and I'm feeling a hell of a lot healthier than I was 6 months ago when I was smoking far too much and hardly working out.

Got drunk last night for a friends birthday. Came came home and left a drunken rambling message on my Mum's phone for mothers day. I'm so all class.

xxx K

"put on your bad self...get out your party dress...fix up you makeup and try and make a good impression"

I can't sleep. Well to be fair - I haven't tried, but its 11pm and I just don't feel tired at all.

I've been re-reading some of my old blog. From a six month period in Londontown mostly. From the time when all I did was hang out with Lucy and it is so clear just how huge she was in my life. From the time when I blogged far too much about potentially meeting another blogger (Frit). From the time - when I was having a huge flirtation with another kiwi blogger - who I then flew a long way to meet. When I smoked too much. And definitely didn't go to the gym enough.

Its so bizarre to read back on it all.

So many things change. And then so many things don't.

And this is a really big reason why I don't want to delete this blog.

I'm listening to a mix of Damien Rice, Counting Crows, and David Gray. Go figure. I'm so predictable.

xx K

"and fuck you...fuck you....I love you...and all we've been through..."

I've blogged over 1,700 times in almost four years.

This blog (for better or worse) has been a huge part of my life for the past four years. Writing in it - is completely therapeutic for me.

But the thing is - in writing on this blog - I have always wanted to remain anonymous. Not because of any reason other than my job. Which I love. And value.

Even though I choose to remain anonymous on this blog - I certainly don't think I hide behind this blog. I'm very open about meeting people in real life who read my blog. In fact I've shagged, dated and made friends with far too many people to count - because of this blog.

And one of those people - about a week ago -decided to post a photo and my real name on his blog because I twittered something that upset him. He also wrote some pretty awful things about me. The things he wrote - don't bother me at all. I have thick-skin. But as I said before - my privacy is just too important to me. What I wrote about him - I did without thinking. Does he have a right to be angry at me. Yes - of course. Do I think he handled it well? No. I don't. It upset me beyond belief because I came very very close to deleting this entire blog. And this blog means a hell of a lot to me.

So - I'm currently undecided what to do. Part of me is thinking about stopping blogging. Another part of me is thinking about keeping blogging but having the blog offline.

So - we'll see. I think I'll end up taking it offline with only certain people being able to view it.

Or maybe I'll start a brand new blog where I can write - just for me. And nobody else.

For now, I'm putting the blog back online. But I don't think it will last very long at all. If you want to keep reading if I do keep writing - send me an email and I can add you.

xx k

"'Cause I'm lately, horny..cause I like you..will she take me..."

I think I knew within five mins of meeting him, that I was probably going to shag him.

If I had to describe my type completely - it would be tall, extremely skinny, and kinda geeky. And then - meet Exhibit A.

I don't know, I don't need an excuse ever to shag anybody. I do exactly what I want to do. For whatever reason. I don't play games when it comes to shagging. I don't believe in waiting if you want to shag someone. But I'm sure I've blogged about tht before. Anyway last night - was such an easy decision. And good. And actually the best thing about it - is that right now, the last thing i need in my life is a male complication. So this boy could be absolutely perfect. We've communicated since. I'm sure we will shag again. And thats great. And thats probably all I want right now.

He would have to be another bloody republican though. I seem to attract the very few Republican boys in DC....somehow straight to my bed.

God its an amazing day here in DC. I mean hot but before the humidity of summer hits. I'm ready for Lisa and Amy to come over - and drinks outside. Brit Girls last weekend here - which I can't talk about, as I can't describe how much I'm going to miss her.

I've felt so fucked up all week. Stressed out beyond my usual ability to cope with stress I think. I 've been snapping at everybody. Pissed off with the world. And thats really not like me.

xxK

"Need a hit, want to wait, suck it up....my love...reach me...stupid fool..you wanna get boned..."

I think I just drove home from work in about 7 mins flat while listening to Damien Rice as loudly as possible. God I love driving again.

I'm now drinking a beer outside, while listening to music too loudly, watching Rugby play (probably with the rats) and twittering!

Long long long ass day today, but a good one. I have been feeling stupidly stressed lately, but days like today do make me appreciate just how much I love my job. Sometimes - I just wonder what it would be like to have one that doesn't involve 11 or 12 hour days, every day. I'm a little over it right now, as there are so many more things I want to be doing. And most of those involve - either the gym or drinking with my friends!

So I'm currently debating whether to shag or not tonight. I should. Because boy I want to shag is going away this weekend, and I'm stupidly horny. But - I don't know. He doesn't know about anything thats been going on with me lately (other than our 15 flirty emails a week), and maybe thats better, but I seem to have lost all ability to want casual sex. But I'm pretty sure I do want sex.

I don't think I like this "no casual sex" me. Its very unusual. No fun. And all together a bit blah. I'm hoping this feeling ends soon, cause it kinda sucks. Maybe I just need to get back on the bandwagon. I mean - the last two people I shagged were both friends of mine. Actually both boys that I love a lot, so maybe that just made it all too easy. I don't know. I think this whole no shagging thing is all in my head - and I need to get the fuck over it. There. I said it.

Right. Back to my beer and Damien Rice. And my texting and emailing. So not going out tonight though.

xx K

"You wanna get burned..you wanna get turned...you wanna get fucked inside out..."

God I get so angry at seeing my friends hurt by boys. Boys that I know know better. And just fuck up. And then seeing that friend cry. When she is awesome - and doesn't bloody deserve it. FUCK!

Small rant over.

I've drunk a little bit of wine.

I'm almost ready to booty call a boy for this weekend, because I need to prove to myself that I do actually still love sex.

And I like a boy that I really fucking shouldn't.

Hmmmm

xxx K

"And neither of us want to be alone...and your coming home..."

The problem with people visiting is that they then leave. So Work Boy came. We drank a lot. Ate a lot. Drank some more. Talked about shagging (I think that was me). Drank a bit more. Danced a bit. Drank some more. Then finished with more eating. And now he's gone - and I'm really sad.

Kind of a crazy weekend all round. And I need sleep, and the gym, and some more sleep. But I miss Chris already :(

I'm listening to Damien Rice. Shocking I know. But tonight it is definitely needed.

So its not a secret that I'm a bit of an attention whore. What I can't work out - is whether i need a boy who is OK with that - or one that doesn't put up with my shit. Hmmmm.

Random train of thought i know, but I was definitely attention whoreing it up on Friday night. And that part of my personality can drive me freaking crazy.

xx K

"You don't know what its like...to love somebody...."

There are some things I would never have experienced if i had never left New Zealand - and my first Seder tonight - was probably one of those nights.

I dont know if I have ever blogged that about 90% of my friends here are Jewish. I don't really think about it too much. Or about the fact - that i don't know if I knew anybody in NZ who is Jewish.

And its ironic really as I'm fairly anti-religious. To put it nicely. But tonight really didn't have anything to do with religion for me. But just hanging out with some of my friends that I love.

Blondie and Ruby are about to move five houses down from me. And I'm waiting for Sparky to come and pick me up so we can go and see their new place. My friends here - so make me happy.

I'm listening to Damien Rice and Ray LaMontagne on YouTube "to love somebody". As my friend said today - its "beautiful". It makes me want to fall in love. Or just lie sleeping next to somebody that I love.

xx K

"I've been talking drunken jibberish....falling in and out of bars...."

I've just done one of my favourite Sunday things - reading Post Secret.

Its really been another great weekend.

Amazing weather. Hanging out with my friends. Gymming. Playing with Rugby. No roommate. Chilling out. Reading. Seriously - other than the lack of sex - its really been almost perfect.

Which is funny - as I turned down sex with a boy this weekend that I've slept with before. I don't know - its like my slutty side has disappeared. I mean I want sex as much - good sex. But I just don't know if I know anybody right now - that I actually want to have sex with.

Chris (work boy) arrives on Thursday. Could I be any more excited? I so adore Chris.

I'm debating having beer while out on my porch. Its dark - but warm. And I'm absolutely loving spring.

xxxx K

"You let me down...its one thing you cheated...but you took him all the way through your bed..."

You know you were drunk when you send an email:

"Why the hell didn't we get food last night". And the response back was "We did. Pizza".

Honestly - I have no bloody memory of this. At all.

And God did I pay for it today. Hangover the size of a small house. Meeting at work at 7.30am. Long ass day.

Yet somehow - i've just come back from more drinking.

I do seriously love my life.

xx K

"I'm trying to move on...but your coming home..."

God its been an insane day. Physical therapy at 7.30am. Crazy day at work. Personal trainer at 7pm. Home in time to walk Rugby, eat soup, and then conference all wtih Japan at 9.30pm. Call over and I've just crawled into bed. I'm horny. Tired. Ready for the weekend.

I am so addicted to the gym at the moment. If I don't go 4 times a week I get antsi. I think its my subsitute for smoking or sex or something. I can also see my body changing - and I love it. My small girl crush on my personal trainer probably also helps.

I don't think I've mentioned that I decided a few weeks ago that i want to live by myself again. I don't know - I want to be able to walk around my house naked whenever I want. Masturbate loudly and not think about it. Have an office and a spare bedroom. I don't know - I'm really excited about it. Well probably until 4 months time - when I'll wonder if i want a roommate again. I'm so random sometimes, but right now - the idea of coming home and just being alone - is just so appealing.

Is it summer yet? I'm ready for June 8. Its not often I want to fast forward time - but fast forwarding to June 8 would make me happy.

xxx K

"You wanna get burned..you wanna get turned...you wanna get fucked inside out..."

I spent most of today driving around in my car with my neighbour listening to Damien Rice far too loudly. I don'tknow - I just love the freedom of driving with no place to go, while listening to music that i love.

My whole weekend really has just made me happy.

- Friday night drinks with Amy and then Sparky and Josh.

- Saturday - brunch with BritGirl, Amy and Sparks. (Three of my favourite people). Then BritGirl and I walked down to the Mall to go and see a photography exhibition (The Americans - very very cool). Came home and talked to Elles in New Zealand for over an hour which just made me happy. And then an 80's cover band on Saturday night where I drank far too much and danced like a freaking idiot.

It was funny talking to Elles on Saturday. You forget sometimes - how people can just know you so well. And Elles probably knows me as well as anybody. She just gets how I am I suppose. And that kind of thing - comes with the fact that from the age of 15 maybe through 29 - she was probably the most important person in my life to me. And leaving New Zealand - and still being away 5.5 years later - means I lose part of that - which I hate.

Now - I'm lying in bed, listening to Damien Rice, just thinking about life.

I asked Blair to send me some photos of his wedding today. I think it will make the whole thing a little more real to me. Which I probably need as I've been thinking a little bit about him lately.

God - I'm all over the place in this blog post. I'm tired and have a lot on my mind as usual. Physical therapy (aka as physio in NZ) tomorrow at 7.30am. Personal trainer at 7pm. New York on Thursday for work. Its going to be another crazy week.

xx K

"'Cause I'm lately, horny..cause I like you..will she take me..."

When the hell did I become the girl who is at the gym on a Saturday morning before 8.30am. At least I was a little hungover. So - its not totally not me.

Busy day today. Brunch soon with Brit Girl who I adore. Then I think we are heading to the Mall to go to the American History Museum. And finally - Legwarmers tonight. I don't really understand what it is - but all I know is that i have to dress up in 80's and we are going out in bum fuck Virginia. Which I hate - but I guess I can make an exception for.

Rainy day today which just highlights even more how ready for summer I am.

xx K